Today, I have about 700 documents that I am sifting through copying and sending out to 3 hospitals tomorrow. I also had 3 hour doctors appointment today. I had a three-hour doctor appointment yesterday I had 3 hours of doctor's visits the day before. I don't mean to be boring but, That feels like a FT job for one day for a person whose health is declining. Thank everyone ahead of time who has ever said the words, 'How can I help you?'
Amazing people, those who reach out. You are my Family, kith, kin and you are amazing.
Sometimes, there is too much, so I sum up: too many thoughts in my mind at one time. Cannot hold onto all thoughts that are all A1 Importance. Especially when I can't even hold onto one with stability. Especially when I am tired, or when I'm not mentally ready.
I feel torn. It feels wrong, when time must be divided and given up altogether for 700 pieces of paper (times 3) and getting them out on a UPS or post office time crunch.
Please, often times I just want God damn peace before surgery. I want to say I did things before I get on that surgery table again.
This feeling has busted up my communication with others. We all mean well but, communicating not so easy like it was just 6 months ago. No need to tiptoe in conversations.
On the contrary, please say what must be said, bluntly--including feelings. We might not get another chance for a couple months to discuss it again. So, we all commit to speaking up, right?
Luckily, Emily and I practice non-passive-aggressive communication. We know when we can tease, we always know when or if to smile. We know when there's sarcasm and when there is not. And we know how to support each other without having to say a God damn word. This is peace to me. I want this peace around me, at least in a sort of 1 room radius around the vicinity of me. I want us to treat each other with kit gloves only about logistics. They bore me to death. Be free expressing love and learn today it's kay to do it more often.
The elephant in the room is I can see an hour glass in front of me and can't really help my reactions or emotions completely. Bu tI CAN HELP how I react to those initial reactions.
You are special to me and that's why we still hang out, right? 'Cause we all so cool. Let's be cool.
